You're Not Listening - Kate Murphy

You're Not Listening

By Kate Murphy

  • Release Date: 2020-01-07
  • Genre: Psychology
Score: 4.5
4.5
From 114 Ratings

Description

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

"If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor."
-Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take

**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**

"An essential book for our times."
-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We’re not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.

In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

Reviews

  • Young hispanic woman becoming a better listener

    5
    By Satan's lesbian
    Much insight on the importance of distractions, silence and more importantly listening. I accidentally bought this book 3 times but all purchases were totally worth the read. I bought this book at the half price book store when I became furious with my surroundings at home and decided to let off some steam with a drive to the book store. Love this book and will continue to re-read!!
  • Great book

    5
    By ABTX77
    Probably one of the most insightful books I’ve read and has inspired me to be curious as to not miss out on opportunities that can contribute to society or just my family by simply listening.
  • Insightful Read!

    5
    By j.olguin7200
    Kate Murphy brings her collection of insights and stories from years in the field of journalism to create a compelling read. Full of interesting observations, interviews and studies, and thoughts on society, Murphy dares to make us question not only if we listen to others, but who really listens to us as well.
  • Is anybody listening? How being a good listener can transform your life!

    5
    By Annette OM
    I was completely blown away by this book! Kate Murphy has written a very insightful and brilliant book that clearly explains the importance of listening and how it can shape our relationships, our health and ultimately our happiness. “You’re Not Listening- What You’re Missing and Why It Matters” immediately grabbed my attention by its accurate description of modern life and society and the need to define oneself, project oneself and ultimately be the leader in conversations. Unfortunately, today very little emphasis is placed on the need to listen carefully to what is being said. Sadly, the result of society’s inability to listen is the ever increasing feeling of isolation, emptiness and loneliness. I enjoyed how the author stressed that by paying attention to more than the words you can transform how you understand others, the world and ultimately this can enrich your relationships and your life. “Listening, more than any other activity, plugs you into life.” I thoroughly enjoyed the author’s many quotes, interviews, reflections and descriptions. I also appreciated the many thought provoking explanations such as the difference between passive hearing and active listening, the 90-9-1 rule in social media and how not listening can actually deprive us of our future potential. “Talking without listening is like touching without being touched.” “Listening is essential to our survival.” I completely enjoyed reading this book and appreciated the authors very descriptive writing style and her inspirational look at the art of listening! This insightful book was thoroughly researched and included interviews with expert listeners from various backgrounds such as as a CIA interrogator, FBI hostage negotiator, leading neuroscientists, a bartender and a salesman, to name a few. I found this book to be inspirational, insightful, thought provoking and at times even humorous. It was definitely a fast read that totally captured and held my attention. There were so many excellent points and quotes that I eventually started writing notes in my copy of the book which I generally prefer not to do. I learned so much from reading Kate Murphy’s book. It helped me to reflect on and evaluate my own interactions when communicating with others and I look forward to applying some of her suggestions in my future interactions with family, friends and acquaintances. “You’re Not Listening, What You’re Missing and Why It Matters” definitely connected with me and influenced my future views on communicating with others. I highly recommend this book! I would like to thank CELADON BOOKS and Kate Murphy for an advanced readers copy of this book through BookishFirst in exchange for my honest review.